Disappear
by Emma Frost fka. Lady Rebecca
Summary: Do you know how it feels to lose love?..........i was bored...please read and review


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DISCLAIMER: I own the story, and (unfortunately) *only* the story. 

***Disappear***

by Lady Rebecca

November, 2001

"The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference."--Anonymous 

Sleep. The most wonderful feeling in the world is to peacefully sleep, to disappear momentarily from the world. In this unconscious state, all troubles are obliterated; here pain and suffering do not exist. 

Of this serenity I was enjoying when the sound of running footsteps broke me from my tranquillity.

I opened my eyes in time to see my fiancée run out of the room. I started from the divan I'd been resting upon and rubbed my eyes,, still a little disconcerted and sleepy. I scanned the room and quickly noticed that he had left his sword.

Strange. He never goes anywhere without it. I picked up the saber and ran to the door of the study to see where he had gone. I caught sight of him as he disappeared down the flight of stairs at the end of the hall that led to the gardens outside the castle. Apparently, in his hurry, he had forgotten to take the sword. I ran out after him, hoping I could catch up to him in time to give it to him. I didn't believe it was a good idea for the king of Fanelia to be running around without some kind of protection. However, once I got outside of the castle, I lost sight of him.

That's when I saw the disappearing column of light in the direction of the family memorials. 

I ran in that direction, for some reason knowing that was where I'd find him.

As I neared the resting place of the Fanel family, I caught sight of him again, but had stop by a nearby oak to catch my breath.

As I leaned on the rough bark panting, I saw Van stop and look at the figure left by the mysterious light on the ground. He must have seen the light hit the ground from the study balcony and he ran out to see what had happened. Thus, it perplexed me why he would leave his weapon if it was a possibility that what was left here by the blue column might not be friendly. It was almost as if…as if he knew who was brought here.

The person was a woman, young, blonde and wearing the most unusual clothes I had ever seen. Something in my mind was set off and I had the feeling like I was missing something. She sat up and they both looked at each other.

Both seemed to be enthralled with each other and even though I felt like a trespasser on some significant private encounter, I stayed as if glued to my spot next to the standing timber. I hugged the sword to my chest and continued to watch the events that were unfolding before in the shade of the garden.

Van knelt down before the girl, the emotions running across his face all at once were almost unidentifiable, but I was able to catch surprise, glee, disbelief, grief, and even a trace of fear. I myself was surprised. For as long as I had known him, Van had never been one to show his feelings on his face.

From where I was standing, I could hear her speak.

"Van," she said in a tone that was glad but had a hidden hint of sorrow. 

"Hitomi," he spoke her name with such heart-wrenching feeling that it made a lump in my throat.

Hitomi. That name sounded so familiar, but my still groggy mind was not functioning as quickly as it should have been.

"I—How—why are you here?" he finally managed to ask.

She bowed her head slightly and smiled up at him. "I came back because I missed Gaea," she told him, "And because I wanted to with you."

I leaned forward, clutching the rapier tighter in my hand.

"I love you," she said.

My breath caught in my chest, my mouth hanging open due to her overwhelmingly honest confession. My eyes darted back to him, swallowing thickly, waiting for his reaction. 

Van took her in his arms, pressing her body to his as he kissed her with a passionate ardor that consumed them both.

My heart froze. At that moment I wasn't sure whether I was dead or alive, though the pain that ripped through my soul assured me that I was very much alive. For a brief second I thought of putting the sword in my hand to better use.

But I just let it go. It crashed noisily on the ground as I turned to run away. 

I don't think they noticed.

~

Sleep. The days following, all I wanted was eternal sleep. As it was, I tried to sleep as much as I possibly could. I didn't think that one person's rejection could hurt as much as it did.

Of course, I don't blame him at all.

I knew, I had known from the very beginning that Van had fallen in love with the mysterious seeress from the Phantom Moon. I had heard the story many times before, Van himself being the first one to tell me how he felt. But I had never thought that the reality behind the story would cruelly take from me the happiness that I should have been a part of. It was heartbreaking to the point to where it was almost unbearable.

When they came into the castle that day, I had been able to pull myself together considerably. Well, enough so that no one suspected what I had seen. Hitomi was very friendly with me and Van paid more attention to me than ever before, which I think was the most excruciating part of it all. They even insisted that I be a part of their wedding party. I told them I was happy for them and people praised me for handling the situation so well. 

I hated it all. 

I had truly believed that Van had grown to love me as I had grown to love him. It hadn't always been that way. We had only really known each other for a short time. To be thrown into an arranged marriage , in my belief, hinders the changes of the true happiness that may be found in choosing your own partner. However, in our time spent together, I found myself falling in love with the king of Fanelia and I had been naïve enough to believe that he was glad that I was to become his wife and queen.

Now I know the truth. I had fooled myself into believing that there was no one else in the world for him but me. 

The force of the rejection and pain of a broken heart was of my own doing.

I just wish I could make it disappear.

Please, no law suits. Flames are welcome. Reviews are suggested. PLEASE?

Thanks for reading (and reviewing ::ahemhintahem::)

--Lady Rebecca


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